Archive for April, 2011

Short-term Forgiveness Therapy Groups to Start

April 25, 2011
posted by Admin

Jed Rosen, MSW, LCSW, an expert in Forgiveness Work and trained by Fred Luskin, author of Forgive for Good, will be starting short term Forgiveness Therapy Groups. These groups will focus on helping members “let go” of past hurts and grudges that stop them from moving on in their lives.
It is true that suffering is a part of life. When we hold on to our suffering, we emotionally cripple ourselves and impede our personal growth. Forgiveness therapy, as a cognitive behavioral approach, is a way of letting go of suffering that has not been resolved. The group participant will be able to sensitively explore the source of one’s suffering and receive guidance to let go of it.
Jed, a highly skilled and experienced group clinician, has been teaching Forgiveness for the past five years to groups of various sizes. This time around, groups will be short-term (5 weeks) and small to provide for more individualized attention to each member. Through his professional guidance, Jed will facilitate therapeutic connection and support among group members. The goal is to help each member move past the areas of their lives in which they have suffered for too long.
So, if you are “stuck” with a life partner, child, parent, boss or therapist this is the place to come! Come and learn how to let go of the suffering from difficult relationships, losses, mistreatment by others or by life, health problems, and career frustrations.
If you are interested in joining a group or know someone who would benefit from this type of group interaction, please contact Jed Rosen at (201) 825-3672 or email Jed directly at: jed.rosen@verizon.net

Keeping your anxiety manageable

April 25, 2011
posted by Admin

Anxiety is one of those states of mind that can creep up on us in subtle ways. We start off our work week, thinking that we are just going to easily move through it. We often believe and expect everything to be predictable. But then, a phone call upsets you and the one co-worker you get along with tells you that they are leaving and before you know you experience your week as going haywire! Without realizing it, your breath becomes shallow. You chalk it up to too much coffee. Then your spouse calls and tells you that your kid is sick! Ugh! What is an adult to do when overwhelmed by life’s daily occurrences?
The simplest thing to do is breathe slowly and deliberately. Focus on your very next breathe. Whether you are standing in line for lunch or driving somewhere, concentrate on the intake and output of each breath. This small act will slow down your heart rate. You will begin to feel more grounded and feel more in your own skin.
Write down what, which incident is upsetting you the most. Ask yourself, can you do anything about it? Can you send positive thoughts to your kid? Can you plan a time to speak with the colleague outside of work? Can you solve the phone call problem or must you just let go of it this moment and move onto something else that you might be able to successfully tackle?
Realize the items that you can do, something about and the ones that you can do nothing about. Let go of those things you have little or no control over. This is easier said than done! But certainly try to drop out of your mind those things that you cannot effectively tackle right now.
Accept the day for the challenges that has been presented to you. Be grateful that your day is one where you are being challenged to rise to a certain level. These times make us stronger. If all else fails, know that tomorrow is not that far away!

Why teens choose not to speak to their parents?

April 13, 2011
posted by Admin

Or to re-phrase the question why do parents always complain about their kids locking themselves in their bedroom for hours and sometimes days with the intention of avoiding them? The lack of contact between parent and teen seems to “kill” parents and make them feel out of control.
From the parent’s perspective, it seems really strange that one decides to conceive/bear a child and feed and care for that child through infancy, toddler years, and elementary school. Worry about that child every day! What they eat, when they sleep, when they become ill, the child’s proper development and ability to learn or not learn in school. Parents worry when they watch their kid hormonally morph into an adolescent, wondering where their “sweet child – nice kid” disappeared. They cannot believe that their once beloved child is indifferent, distant, alien, cold, abrupt, unanswerable, moody and most times downright rude to them.
From the child’s perspective, kids want to catapult themselves through their teen-age years. I often hear kids say: “I just want to skip high school and move onto college, where there is a lot more freedom.” When kids think or speak like this, they are telling us they want to avoid all of the complexities that adolescence has to offer them. For the teen, it is a tremendous amount of emotional work to “know thyself.” Many teens do not want to do this work. They prefer to hide out from their feelings and the demands of these years.
In addition, I have learned that teens have an Adult Code. This code refers to the way that adults (parents) talk down to them, as if adults have all of the answers. The second section to this code is that adults (parents) do not take seriously what their teen son or daughter has to say. Teens feel that their words have little credibility to adults. So, if you think about it, why should a kid speak up? Why take a chance at certain rejection. In short, kids feel boxed in by their parents.
From someone who has worked with kids and their parents for a long time, here are a few observations.
Parents tend to remain rigid in the way they view their growing, developing child. Kids change all of the time. They change from season to season and month to month and week to week. Parents seem to notice the outside changes more readily than changes on the inside of their child. A kid’s belief system and values are being challenged by society every single day. Parents tend not to see this nor do they see the degree to which this is occurring on a daily basis.
Parents forget what it feels like to be teenager. Teen’s feelings are fairly intense and without empathy a teen doesn’t feel understood. Kids stay in their room because they don’t want to be told what to think and how to feel. They are struggling to find their own voice and they don’t want any “tainting” of that process. Fearful parents “taint” in the form of lecture, correction, punishment and the like. Kids look to avoid this.
It comes down to this. Parents need to slowly release their grasp (begin to let go) on their child-teen. If they are too tightly absorbed in their kid’s world, their child teens will not be able to experience the freedom of making mistakes and hopefully learning from them. Without making mistakes, a teen cannot grow and realize who they are. Parents need to reinforce their values primarily through their behavior, not necessarily their words. Kids remember how a parent handles a certain situation and will tend to copy that in the future.
Parents need to acknowledge their own fear of the world and the expectations they place on their kid. This will only lead to confusion for your teen. Give your kid space to think for him/herself. Respect your teen for their maturing growth and developing their own opinion on topics, even if it is opposite to what you may believe. It doesn’t mean that they will think this way forever. View this as a way of your teen finding his/her own voice.