Archive for October, 2010

Wake up Parents! Follow-up!

October 15, 2010
posted by Admin

Wake up Parents! Follow-up!
As a follow-up to my last blog entry entitled “Wake up Parents!” I would like to offer a few suggestions on how we adults can support out children in a fairly direct way. All of us are very dependent on electronic communication. I love my cell phone and computer as much as any pre-teen or teenager, however when we use it as a complete substitute for real face-to-face communication we are not flexing the muscles that we need to flex. In addition, many children do not understand the importance of rules and their overall usefulness to society. So here are some suggestions to help your children begin to feel safer.
Have a dinner with candles and soft music. Make sure that everyone has a turn to speak.
Parents: Demonstrate respect for police, teachers and other authority figures. Explain how these individuals are town heroes!
Role-model kindness to your children. Say something kind to your child and ask them to copy you with an act of kindness of their own.
Have everyone in the family put their cell phones in a basket on a tall shelf….not to be touched for 24 hrs. Talk about the results!
Or turn off all computers for one day! Discuss.
Read a family story together that you can finish in three or four nights.
Write the words “I’m sorry” on a post-it, and put it on a family member’s pillow, that you have hurt.
Parents: Spend a full day, listening to your child carefully and not necessarily speaking in response.
WE all feel safer when we slow-down and respect one another.

Jed Rosen speaks about Forgiveness

October 15, 2010
posted by Admin

The Adventures of the Forgiveness Warrior

October 10, 2010
posted by Admin

When I teach forgiveness, participants think that forgiveness means that they must eliminate their anger. They visualize a “forgiving person” as one who is rarely annoyed while maintaining a state of peaceful equipoise. I have a friend, named John who taught me quite the opposite.
My friend, John found out that his father, along with two of his brothers, had made a profitable financial investment. They had not told John about this and in fact kept it secret from him. As a result, John felt betrayed and rejected. He had grown up accustomed to being excluded from family activities. But he never expected to be betrayed in such a blatant manner. The sting that John felt from this information, while not surprising to John, still took up a lot of space in his mind. Needless to say, John was furious.
As time went on, John did not want to remain stuck in this rejecting cycle with his family. This is the way his family has often behaved in the past. He had accepted that! Instead of feeling cheated and angry all the time, John took his anger and channeled it back to his original dreams of being successful in his own business. John let go of the disappointment by aggressively focusing on his own business and the vast potential. He thought about his wife, Ann, and the wonderful life that they had made for themselves, without the help of his parents or siblings. John appreciated and felt grateful for having Ann’s love in his life. John dedicated himself to nurture and protect what he had in his wife and his career. He decided to let go of what he did not have in his parents and siblings.
Certainly, forgiveness brings peace. But, we cannot forgive without sitting with our anger for a time. John felt his anger and let it be. John creatively channeled his anger towards his positive goal of making his business improve. By getting in touch with what he wanted before he was hurt, John used his anger to propel his life in a more meaningful direction. When John set himself back on the road of the life he had already created, he used his anger to re-charge his business. (Note: If your anger keeps you locked in to thinking about the person who hurt you and how hurt you feel, then you are nursing a grudge. You will continue to feel stuck, until you re-direct your anger towards your original dreams.)
John taught me how using my anger and managing it, can help me forgive. My brain enables me to have emotions of all kinds. I know and realize that I am wired to love and to feel angry. I can not eliminate either emotion from my life. What I can do is learn, through forgiveness, to use all of my emotions wisely to achieve peace.

WAKE-UP PARENTS!

October 7, 2010
posted by Admin

I would like to take a moment to talk to parents about what is happening to our children in this media crazy world of ours. Our children are actively being bombarded, psychologists call this over-stimulated with a lot of information that they don’t need to have at their disposal. When you overload a child, you mostly get back anxiety and worrying behavior in a child under the age of 13 and confusion and depression in a child over the age of thirteen. The most recent event of the suicide death of Tyler Clementi should be a wake- up call to all parents of any age kid.
Today’s kids are vulnerable in a unique way. They are growing up in families that do not communicate strong authority, leadership and values. Many teenagers today lack respect for authority and of course, this starts in the home. Without respect for authority, a kid will not feel safe in this world we live in. Authority and Wisdom speaks to the unconscious mind of a child. When a parent dispenses proper authority, he /she symbolically communicates to the child a sense of safety. Rules make children feel safe! This is why we have rules in schools and communities. The lack of strong rules at home makes a child feel unsafe! If there is little authority at home, the child will not feel safe. If a home is overly busy or chaotic, the child will also not feel safe.
Meanwhile, the way in which our children presently socialize has been radically altered! They text, chat, email, send pixs, download, upload, skype and a variety of other constantly changing communications that do not involve face-to-face contact. Children are not necessarily clear about who their friends are. Yet, once, they believe that they are in with a group of friends, their lives can be instantly changed for the worse, by some anonymous bully using a cell phone or computer.
If children of any age do not feel safe going to their peer group and do not feel safe contacting their parents, where will they turn? The tragedy of the death of Tyler Clementi is this: That Tyler had no one to trust and talk to in his time of deepest need. His death is a warning to all parents to wake up and pay attention to what is happening in your home.
~ Dr. Pat Saul, MSW, PH.D.

Bob Newhart and Psychotherapy

October 5, 2010
posted by Admin

Why do people laugh at the legitimate work of psychotherapy? What is so ridiculously funny about our profession? Recently, I was watching a video of Bob Newhart on Youtube. Please see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE or go to www.youtube.com. And enter “Bob Newhart Stop it.”
Most of us can agree that Bob Newhart is a timeless comedian. Yet, in viewing this video, I can’t help but ask myself why the treatment of this patient on this video is so funny? After mentally wrestling for awhile, this is what I came up with.
There are a few suppositions to this video clip. Contrary to popular belief, most reputable psychotherapists that I know can not read a person’s mind nor can they see the essence of an individual’s vulnerability, pain and deficiency. As a reputable shrink, all I can do is empathically listen and pay close attention to the details of one’s life.
A second supposition is that all of life’s deepest questions can be answered in a simplistic, rational way. In the pretend world, no body does this better than Bob Newhart. The truth is that every individual is multi-layered and complex! We all have our share of personal obstacles, character conflicts and failed relationships. I doubt that we can tackle any of these in such a simplistic manner.
Behind all humor is a certain amount of aggression! Here, we see that Bob N. makes fun of the human condition. But let’s face it; if you tell a true “claustrophobic” to “Stop it!” you are actually blaming them for their behavior! Yikes! Comedians denigrate the human condition for us to be able to laugh at someone! That someone is us!

Take note of the Goodness in your friends!

October 4, 2010
posted by Admin

Drinking my coffee this morning and a good friend, Lou Baretti emailed me this story… I loved it so much I wanted to share it with you! Enjoy and have a great week! Jed

STONE
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND,
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
‘TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE’
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, ‘AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?’
THE FRIEND REPLIED
‘WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT’
LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.
THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON,
AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM,
A DAY
TO LOVE THEM,
BUT THEN,
AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.
SEND THIS TO
THE PEOPLE YOU’LL NEVER
FORGET.
I JUST DID…
IF YOU DON’T
SEND IT TO ANYONE;
IT MEANS YOU’RE IN A
HURRY AND THAT YOU’VE
FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.
TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!
DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS
YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE
WHO YOU HAVE KNOWN IN YOUR LIFE!
AND IF I HAPPEN TO GET IT BACK,
THEN I KNOW MY PLACE IN YOUR LIFE
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Anonymous